If I had the courage I’d say...
I don’t always feel worthy of your love and that’s a strange situation for me.
I’ve never felt that way before.
It’s a deep reflection of how uncomfortable I am with myself right now, yet and still, there’s no other place that feels more like home than you.
That’s terrifyingly beautiful in all it’s glory.
It’s like you’re the image of the life I can have; the person I am and aspire to be every day. And, I’m not her.
Not in this moment.
Every day I feel I fail myself in being her.
I feel as if I’m failing you.
Pressure trying to be what I think is deserving of you.
All the while knowing I am deserving simply by existing, breathing, being me.
Any doubt is a reflection of self-judgment holding me back confining me to critiques that go beyond you and I.
To the beginning of time.
Generations of woman in my lineage heal through me as I shift the narrative and birth new light to our illuminating presence, returning us back to the Gods that we are.
That I am, that I know I am every day.
Despite the flesh telling me I’m weak, unworthy, and not there yet.
I am there even when I am lost.
When I’m nowhere at all.
I am there.
Inescapable is the God in me.
I am love as God is love.
I am never without even in those moments of doubt.
I apologize for the times where the war within my self inflected wounds on you.
My love, it’s never my intent to hurt you in the crossfire.
As I battle with my demons, I dance with yours.
A battle with you only hurts me deeper knowing I could ever be so cold to a soul so sweet.
Even if you cause me pain I know you’re in a battle just the same, so patience is all I seek.
Gentle reminders that we’re all healing.
It’s a strange feeling to receive the love you’ve always wanted.
My heart secretly prayed for you before my brain could fathom.
Now She prays I don’t fumble the blessing She's yearned for so long.
I wanted a love where romance can still operate in space.
A love that exists beyond bounds.
I love you that deep.
I love you in any form.
I love you at your rawest, your highs and your lows.
I love you so deeply it goes beyond where your love can meet mine.
It’s divine timing meets soul ties in a spiritual realm that transcends any judgments.
Even our own.
You are yours and I am mine.
We belong to each other in a union created long before flesh.
Lifetimes of spirit talks operating at a frequency only we can tune into.
Only once we’ve met ourselves at this depth of love can we find this love in another.
As I nurture my love for self, I love you more.
Freedom is my loves only intent for you, unconditional and true.
You have a home in me always.
Photography by Fares Micue